Messengers (Day 16)

For the past few weeks, I have been experiencing a certain kind of "dry spell" and I feel like I have drained myself dry.  I know that these are all part of the journey to The Goal, but almost every waking moment, I ask for signs that could affirm that I am just going through this phase, and everything will eventually be all right.

I drew out an electronic Path of the Soul Destiny card reading and here's what I got:

ENCODED 

Where others see nothing, you see the deeper meaning or message hidden within. Your guides are working to communicate with you as your intuition and inner knowing expands. Be mindful of all that you are experiencing in each moment. Be aware of animal messengers, cloud formations, colors, conversations of others, and anything else that catches your attention. You are taking the next step up in awareness and connection to the unseen worlds.

It must not have been coincidence that the Encoded card said something about messengers!  

I then came across a line said by Rafiki from one of my favorite movies, The Lion King:

‎"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it!"

Click the picture!  Something will be revealed!!!

Like Simba, I guess I deserve a whack in the head too!  

I know there's still more to learn in this life and I have more to go through. I guess I just have to remember that I must keep my senses sharp and be receptive of the messages that messengers are sending my way...

Build A Mountain and Climb It Too! (Day 14)

I am grateful I came across this song and video!  With this song I have come to realize that I am responsible for my own existence, and all that is happening to me is a result of my past actions.  Everything is Karma.  With every cause is an effect.  I have built my own mountain of joy, woes, and what have you.  It is my duty to climb the mountain I have created and reach the top triumphantly!

Man's Best Friend (Day 13)

Rojo, my dear friend Carlou's gift to me

Today had been a great day.  I'm still going through a lot of crap right now but I believe I will be able to go through it all and emerge a better soul.

I have always been a "dog person", I mean, I am more inclined to dogs than other animals.  I don't know if my sign in the Chinese Zodiac had anything to do with it but yeah, I guess like attracts like.  Like a dog, I am quite loyal to the people I associate myself with.  Though there are times that I may seem quite harsh and my "playfulness" doesn't seem funny at all, I try my best to still stay true to the core.  

Rojo, which is Spanish for RED, is my latest addition to my friends both animate and not.  Hahahahaha! The kids love the red dog and I love it that they do take turns playing with him.  My nephews and nieces usually fight over toys and stuff whenever they visit our home but with Rojo, they don't and they treat him like he's a real dog!

I am grateful for Rojo and for all that he represents - a dog that would always be a best friend.  

Facing Fear and The Little Voice (Day 12)

‎"In many shamanic societies, if you went to the medicine person complaining of being disheartened, and depressed, they would ask four questions:

When did you stop dancing?

When did you stop singing?

When did you stop being enchanted by stories?

When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?"

When I was a child, I loved singing my little heart out.  I didn't care if my voice sounded great or not, I just sang and sang and sang.  My mother loved singing and my father still loves singing and it's from his side of the family where I must have inherited the love of music.  

I must confess I have stopped singing by myself with a carefree heart two decades ago, when I was but a wimpy kid who joined a singing contest.  I have always wanted to sing The Wizard of Oz theme Somewhere Over The Rainbow but since my classmate beat me to it, I had to choose another song instead.  I sang Getting To Know You from The King And I but I was not really into it, it wasn't really my cup of tea.  

When I was thrust on the stage, I felt an extreme dose of fear, a kind of fear I have never felt before; I wanted to pee in my pants but I knew I shouldn't!  It was such a jolly song but I, stricken with monstrous stage fright, just stood there and looked like a singing pillar, looking straight at my father who was in the crowd.  I knew that he believed I could have done better because I did sing better at home.  The sight of the crowd just made me feel like I was about to be devoured by wolves thus my performance was not at par with my classmates', who handled crowd exposure better than I did.  That was the end of me singing solo.  From then on, whenever I sang in public, it was when I sang with a group so I wouldn't be too conspicuous.

Today, I had to face the challenge of breaking down that wall of stage fright once again.  I have never "performed" solo for the longest time and since I really needed to do it, I did.  I didn't sing a song but I had to lead the chanting of mantras.  I was supposed to lead it with another person but since he didn't show up, I had to do it solo.  The good thing is that the lights were dim and the "crowd" had their eyes closed, I didn't need to worry about looking ridiculous.  Hahahaha! I can't say if the "performance" was great but I knew in my heart I did it in the name of service, everything else doesn't matter.  

I have told my little voice to shut up for so many years I must say I really need to apologize to it for making it mute.  Now that I have unleashed it from the dungeon where I kept it, it must learn to wander free and grow into a bigger voice so it will serve its true purpose.  I am grateful for being given the opportunity to set that little voice free.  Now my heart's songs will not end up in mud puddles, but will have better chances of being heard by more receptive souls.

It's Not The End of The World! (Day 11)

An old guy named Harold Camping and his followers have been spreading word that the world will end on 21 May 2011 at 6pm.  Well oh well... It's almost midnight and we're all still here!  I am grateful for your doomsday predictions Mr Camping.  You have inspired people like me to live on, to shine on until tomorrow and let things BE.

Death Is The Road To Awe (Day 10)

The Fountain is one of those movies that gives a certain kind of impact on a viewer who is keen to the mysteries of the Universe.

Wesak! (Day 9)

It's Wesak once again and this year's celebration is the second one I've been to since I have joined the order. Last year had been meaningful for a neophyte and it is more meaningful now that the event is not totally new to me.  I have become more grateful of all the great gifts and challenges the Universe have showered on me and I am more inspired to aspire more.  

Wesak is an annual event that is usually celebrated on the full moon of the fifth month of the year.  It celebrates the birth, enlightenment, and death of Gautama Buddha.  It is that time of the year when seekers of enlightenment wish each other well to attain illumination or enlightenment in this lifetime.

The pictures above are of the flowers my friends and I have received from other brethren of the order with whom we have exchanged flowers with.  The photo at the bottom is a sort of "installation" of our roses as well as some personal belongings.  Mine's the one with the black button-like ring at the bottom left part of the photo.

I am so grateful for this year's Wesak.  I do hope we will all attain Illumination in this lifetime!!! 

Love and Fear (Day 8)

‎"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.

- Anthony de Mello

I am thankful for the one who posted that quote.  Life is indeed an interplay of Love and Fear.  Those who are brave enough to stand up for the Love inside their hearts, will surely vanquish any kind of fear and obstacle on the path.

I have been evading Love in all its forms for the past few decades.  (Nope, I am not that old but being "disconnected" from The Source of Divine Love has made me seem older.)  I know it would seem abnormal to evade Love but for me, it become an art form.  I had been quite oblivious to the fact that I was only running away from it because I feared it.  I didn't want to be like the "others" who shamelessly swim in the pools of Love.  I didn't want to be like the rest of the crowd who just let Love rule over them and sometimes forgot to use their heads when making decisions.  I wanted to be different.  I wanted to be anti-Love.

Before the past year, I have never looked deeper within myself and never bothered to ask why I have become the monster I have turned myself into.  The answer was simple: FEAR.  I had so much fear in my heart, I never had the courage to acknowledge and accept the fact that I was only waging war against Love because I feared that I will not be able to get hold of myself whenever the time comes that I would choose to open my doors to it instead of block it.  I have always wanted to be "strong" and I wanted people to fear me so I don't have to put up with their mess.  It turned out that I was clearly the one I have been avoiding to come face to face with.  My defense mechanism was so lame I had to shut out myself from the greatest law and force of the universe: LOVE.

LOVE is the law.  Love is a verb.  Love conquers anything.  I have never accepted that until it was shoved into the deepest recesses of my soul that I am a being that thrives on Love.  Love brought me into existence, therefore Love will also help me survive.  I could keep ranting about my mini-awakening into Love but let's leave the rest for other days.

Love is the law, love under strong will.  Love is not bad.  Love is good.  Love is God.  Love is LOVE.

"O love that knoweth of no fear.
A love that sheds a joyous tear;
O love that makes me whole and free,
Such love shall keep and hallow me."

Thank God for Beer and Friends (Day 7)

I have stayed awake until 10am... Yes, I didn't sleep until it was mid-morning and my eyes and whole body already hurt like crap but I managed to finish my articles and sent them over to the client.  Before dozing off, I've uploaded the photo above on my wall and just craved for it.  I have been wanting a chilled mug and super cold San Miguel Strong Ice for the longest time and I was determined to get it!

Night came and after the intensive meditation session at the ashram, I asked my friends if it was okay that I go and grab a beer for myself and I did!  I had 4 bottles...so lame for me to only crave for one!  I love my beer like there's no tomorrow but the beer's obviously bitter when there are no friends around to share it with.

All the drama and stuff can't be avoided whenever gatherings like what we had happens.  Confrontations, talking behind the back, one leaving for a purpose and going back for another purpose... Revelations... Hurt.... Revelations... Joy.... Revelations... Realities... 

I can go on ranting about the whole night but I guess I shouldn't.  I am glad and I am grateful.  I love my beer. I love my friends more...  

Changing Directions (Day 6)

I am grateful for today since I have changed the directions not only of my life but also of my workspace, where most of my existence happens nowadays.

I am also grateful for this quote I came across with at one of my newsletter subscriptions:

‎"I am worthy of a healthy, intimate relationship with a like-minded person. I trust the Universe to know when to bring us together."

My almost three decade existence on this plane has never been so challenging.  By far, this year is indeed a turning point in all aspects of my being.  I don't want to close the doors to various possibilities and opportunities but there are just some things that continually bother me and challenge me to make decisions I know I can't retract.  

Thank you for all these confusion and such Universe.  I believe there's more coming, but I am not giving up just yet.  I will find my way....

Off The Grid (Day 5)

And here I am again, writing down an entry but not so sure when will I be able to post it.   I am off the grid once more since my internet connection is not working well.  Is this a sign that tells me that I should stay away from computers for good and try to get back to the old me, carefree and more absorbed with other things like poetry, painting, and LIFE?  I dunno... My computer and the internet keeps me connected to the world and also to my work.  I dunno...

I am still grateful for being off the grid for today.  I got a better chance to catch up with stuff I needed to be more focused on...

Rest (Day 4)

I haven't done much today but went out with my mother and slept the afternoon away....

It's a great time to rest....

I am grateful for the bed that kept me warm and the peace that kept me safe...

The Winged Visitor (Day 3)

I woke up this morning finding a moth on my flatscreen monitor.  So, upon connecting to the internet, I immediately looked up what this winged visitor symbolizes.

Here's something from Avenefica: 

The moth is a nocturnal creature, whereas the butterfly is diurnal.

Nocturnal creatures have philosophical symbolism such as:

• Dreams
• Shadows
• Otherworldliness
• Secret knowledge
• Psychic awareness

We gather these symbolic attributes because night creatures conduct their life-sustaining activities in complete darkness. 

As humans, we may translate this as symbolic of living our lives by intuitive feeling rather than physical sensory perception. 

Philosophically speaking, night creatures do not tumble in the dark, and neither do humans. We use our dreams, our awareness, and our deeper, inner knowing to navigate through the darkest hours of our lives. 

Faith is another tool we use to move through shadowy times of uncertainty, and the moth also shares this aspect. The moth never questions provision. She has complete faith that all of her needs will be meet each night.

As the day unfolded, I have come to realize while looking deeper into my soul tha I need to have more faith that at the end of all these trials I am going through, I will be able to emerge triumphantly.  

I am grateful for you, moth; for reminding me to hold on.

Server Down, Friday the 13th, Hope Floats (Day 2)

Server down....  Yes, the Blogger server was down the whole day yesterday and though I was tempted to write an entry in advance and post it when Blogger's back and working, I didn't do it.  I felt a bit down myself and I got no energy to write things down.  Well so much for bad energy, it's about time that we clear the air and make way for positive vibrations. :)

Yesterday was Friday the 13th and though there are some people who still fuss about it, I am more than grateful that more and more people are ignoring the superstitious tones that the said day is better known for. The origins of Friday the 13th stem from various stories from Norse mythology to the Last Supper to the day of the arrest of the Knights Templar centuries ago. Since more and more people are opening themselves to the Light, the darkness and fear that makes Friday the 13th or friggatriskaidekaphobia notorious, are slowly being dispelled.

This is my second official post in this blog and I don't know what to type down what I am grateful for.  I guess I should just state that I am grateful for life, for love, for the many dreams I have dreamt of  today.  I am thankful for the food that nourished my body, and I am thankful for the hope that continually fuels my Soul.

Until then...



   

A New Year (Day 1)

A new year.  Yes, it's a new year for me.  Today I celebrate another birthday and from this day, a new year is about to follow.  Today is the first day of my 365 Days of Gratitude and I have a lot to be thankful for.

First and foremost, do I really need to create a blog like this in order to express my gratitude for every blessing and obstacle strewn on my path to liberation and enlightenment?  I know a lot would love to say NO and I would say NO myself.  However, I believe that chronicling this year would be able to help me go through a lot of lessons in life easier since I am aware that putting into words some of my emotions would help me deal with life better.  I don't really need to worry if nobody would bother to read this blog.  People do not need to care about my words.  I just want to keep this journey through life on this online journal.  If by chance there will be people who would bother to read my posts, I am grateful.  Thank you!

Now let's get back on track...

It's my birthday and this is my first official post and it's almost midnight in my side of the world.  What to I have to be grateful for today?  I am grateful for the gift of life.  I am grateful that even though I am not perfect, there are people who give a damn about me and love me in spite of it all.  I am grateful for my family.  I am grateful for my friends.  I am grateful for the people who do not understand me because through them I strive to understand myself better too.  I am grateful for the laughter of my nieces and nephews who never got tired of kissing me and saying Happy Birthday to me.  I am grateful for the handful of great friends who really take time to talk with me albeit through online correspondence since they are far from where I am right now.  I am grateful for the air I breathe, the food I eat, and every blessing bestowed on me this day.

I am grateful for everything.  I am grateful for joy, life, light, love.  I am grateful for my soul.  

I woke up this morning with a big smile.  A gift from a dear cousin. :)

Better Days

Okay this is my test post; the very first post on this blog but this entry will not be counted as one of my 365 posts in the ensuing year.  My first official gratitude post will be live a couple of days from now.  I am looking forward to make that post!  For now I just want to jump start this blog with a song I am grateful for that my grade school friend Sarah shared it on facebook - Better Days by Eddie Vedder.  

I know most people will find Better Days familiar because it was on the Eat, Pray, Love movie soundtrack.  When I first heard this song last year, I felt like the entire Universe just stopped and embraced me.  This song is very inspiring and Eddie's vocals (which I have loved since the grunge days of Pearl Jam) make it more heart warming! I do hope this song will inspire everyone who listens to it.  I am looking forward to better days and I do hope you are too!

Here's to better 365 days!  :-D